Suddenly do Free

iamshidqi
4 min readApr 25, 2021

I’m suddenly writing and post it to my Medium blog. You guys may understand why isn’t? If you don’t nope. No big problem, no big deal. So let’s begin.

Photo by Alfons Morales on Unsplash

Maybe this is count 1 year that I currently struggling on librarian world. I mean being as college student. That literally dyin — no, I mean struggling to beat and giving best performance as college student. And this pandemic begin.

How’s your online school life? Pretty fun isn’t? That we can do anything during class (Depend their teacher/lecturer), but tbh I usually do multi-tasking or do something during online class. — Like writing something, or watching pointless youtube videos. I admit it, this is real tho.

But, this pandemic. Quarantine teach me how to truly make myself to being productive. Likely writing, or learn something new. But sadly, I can’t control my desire about playing games, or watching infinite pointless youtube videos.

I was really regret this, because how waste am I that wasting my time to studying. Even I beat whole assignment, but I always having empty time. That can trigger — yeah you know. What happen when empty time, empty thought moment. Always been tho. I need to stop, somebody help me.

Photo by Noah Silliman on Unsplash

People lots struggling why am I not lucky like they/him/her. Or something else, like cursing him/her self about his/her fate. I admit about I literally doing that when I had so much problem, then suddenly say “Why me? Why not her/him instead?” Just like cursing myself because, Why am I doing this? Even another person are more worthy than me! Yeah, I admit that because I even do like that tho before.

But in this state, I’m wanna learn ‘n improve about. How grateful am I. You know, lots people outside that wanna be like us. They is whom have an enough time for chatting or chilling. Or they that have enough intelligence and economy to trough these pandemic sense. Survivability with all these happen. I should be grateful to not cursing myself or situation.

I’m lucky, that I should be grafetul ‘n proud.

Back to the topic (tbh, this post don’t have any legit topic. I just want to chill and rest my mind before take a quick breakfast for fasting later). I was watching a lots video on facebook. They’re random videos that appear in my feed/suggestion. Algorithm may bring me there to addicted watching random or even pointless videos. I had so much information, I mean pointless information that can’t help my college assignment tho lmao.

But I found some videos that can teach me passively. One of them is about gamer can be bring positive sense about how to endure or survival with this pandemic. — Lots gamer they may like running out or escape, even quit out with society. But my opinion are not, they have a world tho but commonly people didn’t notice or know.

One of them, like Discord. I select discord because lots discord user are potentially gamer. Yeah, there so much common people that try or using discord for important purpose like communicating, organizing, or.. just chill to train their English skill.

And yeah, my English skill I didn’t notice that I build up my spirit to learn English lesson at 6th Elementary School. I was pretty young.. and pure. But now may don’t. I sometimes using english to make status in facebook or commenting. Because I have a principle, that if you understand about English language. At least, you can communicate foreign people. Because English language are most common general language that using most people in the world.

I am also know that another language, that hardest to understand (Even I need almost 8 years to understand) that is Arabic language. Pretty complicated and need time to fully understand. This because Arabic language had so much verb like English language But Arabic have more verb vocabulary than English tho. I can proof that).

I’m studying about Arabic language, like word processing and how sentence structure.. and ect. I took 8 years to understand, even right now I can’t guarantee that I have fully understand about Arabic language. So epic ‘n complicated, but soon if you understand. You’ll understand another language easily.

Photo by Alexander Shatov on Unsplash

In Discord, this platform like giving me a bridge to keep communicate with my friends college (in a fact, only a few people that keep prefer keep using discord) and.. yeah to improve and giving me courage to train more about my English skill.

Commonly I may can easily talking English with my Brain perfectly when typing or chatting. Which means text-based. But if the situation is voice-based maybe I will getting lag thinking about my sentence or word processing when chatting using my voice.

Despite I had low-end English skill, I’m also bad on pronunciation. Because I am not pure English, and English is not my main language tho. So, maybe I need time-practice to increase about English skill without opening google translate. — Coz tbh, when I’m writing this post. I’m open google translate too, to checking my verb or vocabulary. Sometimes, check-spelling may can be missed tho. So I need to proof it by myself.

— Ok, that’s is. Free writing, um.. maybe I can’t say this is free writing. Because I didn’t follow true free writing method hehe.

I’ll update soon, thanks for reading pointless post/story hehe.

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